I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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