ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
