I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
