just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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