Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
