We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
