im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
