the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sext me about skeletons
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
