Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
