Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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