I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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