Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
