Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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splinters make it hard to masturbate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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