You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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