Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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