Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
