Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
