Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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