he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
