My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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