I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
