i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
