Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
