i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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