just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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