Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
