so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
