that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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