You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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