My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have aggressive nipples.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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