I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
