I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
