fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
