I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
