he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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