My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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