I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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