Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
