You just made me feel so damn special
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
