I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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