I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
