he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
