just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
