My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
