mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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