I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize