In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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