I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
