At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
