I love black thongs
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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