I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm at about main and main street
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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