I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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