he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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