somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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