A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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