at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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