Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
