so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
