I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
