I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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