honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize