highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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