you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda