small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
