wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
