some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
