I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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