he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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