I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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