i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
