he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
