I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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