If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
