Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
