Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
