Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
