so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
