Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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