Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
