There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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